My stomach has been emotionally wrecked by that game

First of all: that should not have counted as beating the spread. That shit was a lot closer than the win over the Dolphins.

Let's go over the day's stories:

1. Wade Phillips fired. No shit. Marvin Lewis next?

2. Joe Morgan and Jon Miller set to split up?? Say it ain't so! What will we do when Sunday Night Baseball isn't enough and we need meta-baseball?

3. I went to Hoover Dam today; saw no less than four yinzers decked out in Steelers gear. Two #43s, one #86, and a fat woman wearing a Pittsburgh jacket.

Back to the game. Let's list things in order of awful to impressive.

-Most awful thing: the pass blocking of both teams. Just unbelievable how fucking terrible those dudes were. Dick LeBeau sends a nickleback blitz about two or three times a game, never with the intention of hitting the QB, but rather to loosen up a hole where a LB can penetrate, or perhaps just to occupy a halfback or tightend as a blocker. But no. Tonight was a night when William Motherfucking Gay penetrated no less than three times, and made solid contact with Carson Palmer. Shame on Cinci's center and those lazy bastard sidecars, assigned to keep Palmer clean.

-Injuries were pretty awful. I can't tell you how much I HATE losing Brett Keisel. Yes, the Bungles had trouble in pass blocking, but just imagine what it would have looked like had they had to deal with both Keisel and Harrison coming from the same side. It also made me die a little bit inside, seeing Maurkice Pouncey hobble to the sidelines. Fucking champion that he is, he inserted himself back into the game and calmed down the rabble that is our front five.

-The string of penalties that scored 7 points for Cinci sucked. Not that we didn't deserve some of those flags, but at least 2 of the 3 should have been canceled out by blatant holding calls. My host father, who isn't accustomed to our struggle, was floored by how flagrant the uncalled choke holds were on Woodley and Harrison.

-William Gay sucks. Yes, he blocked a punt, and that's always awesome, but man, does he not do a great job in one-on-one situations. That first TD, where Owens just bowled the dude over... you've got to be kidding me. Also: whose idea was it to leave the NB on their most physical receiver?

-The total lack of physicality out of Cinci's rookie receiver and TE was pitiful. The MNF crew pointed it out repeatedly, but Shipley and Gresham were just afraid to run over the middle. And of course, when they finally did, neither could hold onto the ball while being hit.

-Ziggy Hood was a non-factor. His name wasn't called all night, and for the first time in a long time, we saw Big Snack and Chris Hoke line up in the 2-4, and even in the 1-5, while Nick Eason played by the upright lineman. The point of the packages is that they allow our fatties to breathe, not anchor a pass rush. Where was Ziggy on those? And why was Woodley having such a difficult time staying clean on the edge? Weak stuff.

-IKE!

-Chad Ochocinco was pathetic, but this isn't out of character for him. Not against us, at least. If you've never understood what the big deal is with #85, it's for this reason: he's had not success against the Black & Gold, throughout his distinguished career. Against the Browns, he's scored 66 points; against the Ravens, 42 points. Against us? Try 18 points. He's a finesse receiver, good at coming back on the ball, and then weaving through open space with it. Against a team like ours, where we hit the receiver immediately after the catch, he's garbage.

-The Steelers' run blocking was a bit above-suck. Not great, by any stretch. In fact, they owe a lot to a certain back to named later. But that said, later in the game, they sealed up holes and created lanes.

-The Bengals' run blocking was just slightly better than the Steelers'. They were consistently opening lanes, and if they played 4-down offense all game, they'd have had more rushing scores and much longer drives.

-Our use of Mike Wallace is fun, but it has to improve. He's so fucking good, and Ben Roethlisberger should be fined every time he underthrows the guy. Randle El's pass was good for a non-QB, but even then, had it not been for Leon Hall losing the ball in the lights, that's pickable. If we're throwing downfield to #17, it has to take him to the back of the endzone. Other than that, Wallace is great.

-My host father made the point that Hines Ward is getting fat. Maybe he is bulking up, but his blocking looked all the better for it. Bubble screens? Good idea when we're trying to improvise a gameplan without Pouncey. Maybe a better idea when we still had Santonio.

-Matt Spaeth looked decent as a receiving option. Miller looked as great as ever.

-Skippy should have missed the 53 yarder and nailed the 46er. Evened out in the end; no big deal. His kick offs have had more umpff, and have allowed our suddenly-inspired special teams to take over.

-Sepulveda's average punt distance is still lacking. That said, his hang time is immaculate. Maybe he's just great and I shouldn't worry about him.

-James Farrior is not fast, but goddamn did he look like a fucking cheetah out there. Amazing penetration for a sack; great sideline to sideline coverage in the flats.

-GADGET PLAY!

-Timmons name wasn't mentioned a ton, except for the pick, but his presence was felt. He manned his zones perfectly, and allowed our pass rushers to pound away at Cinci's OTs.

-Cincinnati's corners, Hall and Joseph, are really quite special. That we were able to bang them up with our run game was testament to good play calling (hear that, BA?? It's possible for me to not hate you!).

-Ben Roethlisberger's performance without an O-line was sensational. He threw 26 good passes, and 1 bad one, which he never had a grip on. Excellent game; not reflected in the stats.

-Terrell Owens is such a talented asshole. I often talk about how Chad Ochocinco can't take over a game, can't dominate a game. What I'm referring to when I say a WR is taking over, is what TO did tonight. He got hit a ton, but refused to drop the ball. He played up to his size, and used it to compensate for speed when he had to. And how much did you love it when he cussed out his QB, or sulked on the sidelines? Class act, all around.

-Rashard Mendenhall was a hero. He did four things that make him the standout player of the game:

1. He protected the football.
2. He drove his shoulder into unsuspecting DBs and gained extra yards because of it.
3. He improvised brilliant routes, avoiding contact to gain extra yards when he realized he could.
4. He didn't fuck around when asked to drive straight into a pile, even when it wasn't working.

Mendy showed that he has an improved sense of technique, vision, and discipline. Life will get very, very good if we can trust him with the ball, even as all his blockers are pooping themselves.

Oh boy, was that fun. Glad to be back at the typewriter on nights like this.