Flozell Adams and Game 3 of preseason

Dear Aaron,

I want to introduce to you a new friend. You're going to hate this guy. His name is Flozell Adams, otherwise known as "The Hotel." He was this longstanding fixture on the Cowboy's O-line for the past decade. Then he became this nasty, dirty-playing journeyman that no one wanted. And now he's filling in for Willie Colon at RT this year. Yep, that happened!

Hotel was kind of a rich man's Marvel Smith, only instead of chronic spine injuries, his big malady was being really old. To compensate for advanced age, he started tripping, kicking, and jabbing D-linemen. This led to flags. Lots of flags. And even rule changes! Literally, rule changes. He also lost his spot on the depth chart at LT, and got moved to RT, where his giant stature (6'7, 340ish), was less useful at sealing up the edge against the occasionally-blitzing strong safety.

Now he plays for us. Naturally.

At first you may give him the benefit of the doubt. You may say to yourself, "No, that wasn't a false start! Hotel is just faster than the ball as it's being snapped!" Then you'll realize: Flozell Adams isn't faster than anything. Flozell Adams is arguably the slowest, fattest human being in history, ever.

Things the Hotel will do for you:
-jump early on consecutive hikes
-not block a SLB or any kind of DB
-try to put a hold on a DE, but miss
-lay a solid trip on a DT who strays too far towards the sideline

Oh my god, he will make the past three years of O-line complaining look like a drop of water in the suggest box ocean.

As for tonight's game itself, big Nils is supposed to have the scoop over at the mother blog, so bust his nuts for that. My own observations are as follows:

-Lawrence Timmons looks genuinely fantastic. He looks like a shortstop who makes 5 outs in two innings, or a forward who steals the puck and takes shots multiple times on one shift, or a Troy Polamalu who plays football. Seriously, he's realizing that being a MLB in Dick LeBeau's scheme means being involved on every play, driving the ball back on every play, and above all else, stopping the run. Part of his preseason success is due to a healthy D-line. Having Keisel, Hampton, & Smith (and Hood) doing their thing cuts off lanes for RBs to take. While this lets the LBs have a clear path to their target, the LBs still have to finish the play. And the good news is that Timmons is finishing the freaking plays. He's absolutely jumping the ball carrier, both in the flats and at the line of scrimmage, not letting the guy take his first few steps into his stride. It's fantastic to watch, and I think if you study it, you'll notice that he's gained a bit of weight this offseason. That's obviously a sign that he wants to be here, that he wants to inherit this system from Farrior, and if his play thus far is any indicator, he looks worthy to stay.

-James Harrison is a violent psychopath. This is nothing new, but it was further established tonight. He should be, and probably will be fined for the hit he put on Denver QB, Kyle Orton. Here's the thing about the play, in case you weren't watching: the hit wasn't a pass rush, it was a(n overruled) fumble return, where Orton dropped to the ground to trip Harrison out of bounds, and instead of jumping over him, #92 dropped his body so his shoulder would sink into Orton's back, and his helmet would bang the back of the QB's neck. It's the kind of play you absolutely make when you're in the open field, and you're trying to push for that extra, violent yard over the marker or the goalline. It's not the way you carry your body out of bounds. I mean, he was leaving the field of play as he dropped his shoulder into the guy. That is NOT cool! My dad and I were talking on the phone as we watched it, and we agree: Harrison is going to end up on the wrong side of the law one of these days. All he knows and he's good at is violence. He'll make LT, OJ and Ray Lewis look like boy scouts.

-Our second year corners have improved enough that when they manage to jump a route, they're able to hold onto the ball. Good job Keenan Lewis and Joe Burnett. Keep on, keepin' on!

-Jonathan Dwyer has been making us yawn in pain for a good portion of this preseason. Looked like he'd do it again tonight. Then, out of nowhere, in a goalline situation, Chaz Batch handed him the ball, and he swept it around the two TE edge, and into the endzone. Whatdoyouknow! A guy who can turn the corner! Wonderful. But then next drive: we're back at our 11 or something terrible like that, and Dawkness hands him the ball again, and immediately he's crushed... or is he? What happened was the most exciting movement of a pile I've seen in about four years. He and his blockers literally moved the ball from a yard behind the line, to ten yards up for the first. It was so lovely, and so encouraging to see a RB who can stay on his feet. My closing thoughts: Dwyer's not there yet, but give him time.

-Dixon is so much fun, but won't be the starter when the regular season kicks off. They put him out there with the first teams and he stunk. Part of it was that they asked him to play the Ben Roethlisberger script, and that's an unfair request of anybody, especially someone with a skill set so far removed from #7. I hate to blame literally EVERYTHING on B.A., but the word out of camp is that Arians wants Dixon to throw more. That's a dumb thing, Bruce. You're a dumb man. A dumb, dumb idiot! You fucking moron! I FUCKING HATE YOU GODDAMN ALL YOUR PLAYING CALLING YOU STUPID PIECE OF DIRT!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE SMART??

Here's the thing with Dixon: there's the handoff, the PA pass, and the PA scramble. They ran all of these in the most predictable order and got routinely stuffed, and Dixon routinely picked. He needs to run the handoff, and the straight-up pass play that he breaks and runs out of when he realizes he's a terrible passer and can't make it. If they run those two plays, they'll be fine. But alas, tonight buried him on the depth chart for another year. My guess: he'll be on the practice squad of the Eagles, August 2011.

-In a few days, Big Ben will meet with Goodell about his pending suspension. My guess is that the Raj will reduce it from 6 game to 4, in accordance with popular opinion ("he hasn't raped anyone in 4 months, why should he be suspended for so long!?"). My own opinion: dude should be in prison. I have absolutely no illusions that he's somehow matured in the down time he's been given. If anything "Corey Rawson, OH" is just another foray in meathead mania, and laying low is not the same thing as making amends for past wrongs.

-Does anyone else think Byron Leftwich bears an uncanny resemblance to Gary Coleman?